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[icon] Musing The Second - Patti
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Subject:Musing The Second
Time:11:13 pm
Many years ago, I fell in love with a wonderful woman. We dated for about a year and a half before we went our separate ways, but I learned a lot from her about different ways to see the world and particularly to see other people. She was a pro domme by trade, but was also quite active in the local leather community. She tended to make community happen around her, in a way that I have rarely seen anyone do before or since. This is about one of her other superpowers.

One day we were at a kink party together, though we spent some time making the social rounds separately and playing with other people. There was a guy at the party, someone who we both knew through online interactions but had never met in person. I spent about ten minutes talking to him, and pretty much wrote him off as a needy, annoying prat. I was more than a bit surprised when I walked through the dungeon later and saw that she had him strapped to a table and seemed to be having a good time playing with him. We talked about it on the way home. "Oh, hon, he was so CUTE! He wanted it so much, and he was so happy every time the whip touched him. His whole body just quivered."

She would often tell me about her clients. "That boy was so sweet. All he really wanted to do was play fetch, so I spent an hour throwing things across the room, and he'd scamper across the room wiggling his little butt in the air, and it was just the cutest thing you ever saw." Another time, "He was so shy that he could barely get the words out to tell me what he wanted. Once he did, though, he just completely came alive." Another, "He was so hungry for it that he could barely contain himself, and his face nearly split in half the first time he called me 'Mistress'".

It seemed like no matter who she met, she could find something good and wonderful about them. Often it was the very things that annoyed me about a person that she would find lovely and intriguing. I would see, "all he did was talk about X for hours", and she would see it as being so caught up by his excitement that he just couldn't stop telling us about it.

I wish I could be the person who saw something cool in everyone she met. I'm not that person, and I'm pretty sure I never will be, but that doesn't stop me from working to be better at that.
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wwjfergusond
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Time:2013-02-27 05:57 pm (UTC)
Great meditation/reflection.

Being the daughter of a cop, I was taught to trust no one, and to believe that everyone was out to try to screw you.

It took me years to unlearn this behavior and to pause to try to reanalyze in such a way that I can at least attempt to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

A recent example: when Eric and I had to move to SoCal, we worked it out with our landlord so that she would try to carry out the subletting (we'd just signed a new lease) for us. My father's response: "How do you know she's not going to screw yo, and just say she's showing the apartment? How do you know she's not going to just take your $$ and leave the place vacant?" Well, obviously, we didn't. And aside from the fact that it wouldn't make good business sense, we just trusted the landlord. In fact, my father's potential scenario simply didn't occur to me until he mentioned it. Anyway, the apartment was rented within five weeks. A win for us.

A couple of weeks later, I informed my father about this. I also told him that it had been hell growing up and learning to look automatically for the dark in people. "That's no way to live life -- at least if you want to have a chance at being happy."

He hasn't talked to me in about three weeks. Lol.
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whipartist
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Time:2013-02-28 06:59 am (UTC)
He taught you what he knows.

The middle ground is to assume that people are good and honest, but at the same time be cognizant of the ways that things can go bad. That can be a hard line to walk, though.
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wwjfergusond
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Time:2013-02-28 07:15 pm (UTC)
It IS a hard line to walk. But I have to say that I tend to be happier when I'm not looking at the world through asshole-colored glasses.

I actually feel sorry for my father; I don't think he has ever been happy.
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[icon] Musing The Second - Patti
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