May 3rd, 2012

Dear Sex Educator Friends

I'm posting this anonymously for someone else. She would love to get feedback and suggestions, especially resources for her cousin. Both of the people herein are in their early 20s and live in the midwest.
A couple days ago my cousin begged me for my cell phone number. She's 22 and lives in (TOWN) with her mother (my mother's half-sister), who is divorced. My cousin is disabled and uses a wheelchair. I don't remember the name of her disability, but my understanding is that she needed heart surgery immediately after birth, and to this day needs to remain close to a hospital. I believe she sleeps with oxygen as well. I don't know what effect her disability has had on her mental/emotional development, but I know for a fact her parents sheltered the shit out of her and she has no sense of... well, anything when it comes to interacting with anyone outside of her immediate family. I should have thought about that before letting her have my number, but she sounded desperate and I didn't want to shun her.

I regret that decision.

She abruptly came out as bisexual and:
1) Propositioned me for sex, then
2) When I said "no", begged me to help her find someone to have lesbian sex with.

I told her that I couldn't help her with that but that I supported her bisexuality and would do my best to answer her questions and address her concerns about it. In addition to repeatedly questioning my sexuality and why I "chose to be" straight, she asked such specific, inspiring questions as:

"How do I get a girl?"
"Can you give me tips on doin' it with a girl?"
"Are there any good moves to do with [girls]?"
"What about making out with girls?"
"Can you have an orgasm also?"
"What about kissing?"
"Is it a lot funner?"
"Can you give me some ideas of how to do stuff?"
"Is it fun? Or scary?"
"Do you think I will be good?"
"Could you even tell [I was bisexual] when you visited?"
"Do you think I will be happy?"

She was so utterly clueless and talked about women in a very distant, objectifying way, and her desire for girl on girl sex sounded like a decision that she made suddenly rather than something she had always been interested in. I asked if she had ever had sex with a guy, and she evaded the question and just answered "sort of". I talked with her frankly about masturbation, toys, and so on, and she continued to use very distant, platonic, innocent language and avoid discussing anything except "How can I get a girl?" and "How do I have sex with a girl?" (which I tried my best to answer, but her inability to discuss basic anatomy made it impossible).

I told her I'd find some websites for her to look at, and she asked me to text them to her -- what a pain in the ass, but I'm assuming it's a privacy issue. Her mom would flip the fuck out about this, I'm sure -- especially the part where she accosted me.

Basically, I need to find a way to send her some resourceful websites and then get her to fuck off, because she's texting me several times a day now ("Are you there?", "What are you doing?", "Are you there?", "What are you doing?" over and over) despite me ignoring her. I'm just kind of... blown away by this. I have several gay cousins -- I guess it just runs in the family -- and I want to be supportive of them and friendly with them, but this has totally crossed the line into "OH MY GOD I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW" territory. I don't want to out her, because she's obviously in the closet, and I know she needs help. Personally, I highly doubt she's bisexual; I think she's sexually frustrated and lonely and struggling with emotional and self-esteem issues and thinks that finding a girl and having sex with her RIGHT NOW is going to fix everything. I think she needs therapy, and -- if she's genuinely bisexual -- to join some kind of LGBT group (she doesn't even know what "LGBT" means).

The fuck do I do?