Patti (whipartist) wrote,

How bad can it be?

I often get my nails done at a local mall, simply because they have a reasonably competent and reasonably priced shop that's open 'til 9 p.m. and isn't too far out of the way. This is about the only time I ever set foot in a mall, so I also consider it my duty to American consumer culture.

Last night I escaped the nail salon around 8;45 and wandered over to the food court to see what was available. There's usually a quite-passable sushi joint in this food court, but it's closed for remodeling. My options were whatever mall chain-store fare was still serving. There was only one choice-- Panda Express. "How bad can it be?" I asked myself as I got in line.

There are a few universal truths in this world. Toast always lands butter-side down. You can't go back. People are stupid. You can't always get what you want. Whenever you ask yourself, "How bad can it be?" it will be worse than you imagined.

I opted for the Panda Bowl-- white rice with whatever option looked most palatable. I chose something called mushroom chicken, thinking it was probably healthier than any of the deep fried stuff.

The dish is misnamed. It should be called Chunks Of Brownish Stuff With Undercooked Zuccini In A Goopy Brown Sauce That Manages To Be Bland And Taste Gross At The Same Time And That's Really Quite An Accomplishment Don't You Think? Even the rice was bad! It was the wrong rice, was overcooked, and didn't hold together at all.

I can't imagine how this place stays in business-- sure, they could manage to snag the occasional hungry, ignorant, and optimistic passerby the first time, but who goes back? Oh yeah, people are stupid.
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