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[icon] No silver for meeeeee - Patti
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Subject:No silver for meeeeee
Time:12:31 am
This is what I looked like on December 28, 1984. That was 25 years ago today. (OK, technically yesterday since it's after midnight, but all you pedants can just shush up.) If we'd stayed married, today would be our silver anniversary.

Holy fuck, that makes me feel old.

At this point, I've been divorced for like twice as long as I was married. Still, eight years is a pretty good run for people who were way too young to be getting married. In thinking about this, the thing that seems weird to me is how little of it I remember. I can find flashes of memory, but for the most part I can't really remember what it felt like to be married to him. Isn't that weird?

My life now is way different than it was back then, and way different than it would be if we'd stayed married. It's a million times better than the former, and almost certainly than the latter. I've done so many amazingly cool things that just wouldn't have happened if I'd stayed married to Jeff. I don't regret marrying him, but parting ways was one of the best things I've ever done.
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superplin
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Time:2009-12-29 09:21 am (UTC)
Wow. I guess it's not surprising that you look exactly the way I remember you in that photo, since it wasn't long after we graduated. (Although I'm pretty sure you didn't usually dress that way for school...)

I know what you mean about the oddness of choices. I was married four years later, and still think it was too young--but don't really regret it.
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wordweaverlynn
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Time:2009-12-29 01:16 pm (UTC)
You've got something a lot better than silver -- you've got fuchsia hair and a wonderful life.

My would-have-been silver anniversary is coming up May 18. I left ten years ago on March 16. Lots to look back on.

I've regretted a lot of things, but I'm not sorry I married him, and I am very glad I left. Sad that I had to leave, sure. But wheeee, life now is so much better. And I say that when I'm packing to move because I can't afford the apartment any longer.
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njchick
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Time:2009-12-29 02:06 pm (UTC)
You exude fabulosity in so many ways. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog and your independent dilligaf views on life.
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fich
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Time:2009-12-29 09:40 pm (UTC)
The single f has never looked right to me.
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essaying
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Time:2009-12-29 04:46 pm (UTC)
I was 20 when I married Frank, and we divorced 13 years and two kids later. I think of it as having been in all ways a successful marriage: we enjoyed one another's company, built two great sons together, and parted as friends when marriage started feeling too tight for us in different ways. I still value his presence in my life -- we were always better as friends than as spouses, and once we didn't have to be spouses any more, we could go back to being friends. Neither of us would probably ever have found our voice as writers if we'd stayed together.

The divorce was a lot harder on him than it was on me, but I doubt that he'd have had it any other way either. (OTOH, I've never asked him. It'd be an interesting question to discuss.)
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gayathri
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Time:2009-12-29 08:40 pm (UTC)
I was thinking about this recently in another way - when I left Los Angeles, I also left behind this weird dream of marriage, kids, and some sort of 'normal life'. I'm not sure why I went down that path at all, because before it, I had no interest, and afterwards, I look back and wonder who that girl was...

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phoenix14159
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Time:2010-01-02 09:38 am (UTC)
Wow. Seeing you in that dress with that background is... wow.

And thanks for the reminder: my silver anniversary would've been last July, and I completely missed it. Hmmm.
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[icon] No silver for meeeeee - Patti
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