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[icon] Hypocrisy comes in all shapes and sizes - Patti
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Subject:Hypocrisy comes in all shapes and sizes
Time:11:24 pm
A few days ago I saw a "news" story about a website called BeautifulPeople.com. It's a dating site for people who are young and conventionally attractive, and you have to be approved by the site's members before you can join. It seems that just after christmas, they voted 5000 people off the island because they'd gained too much weight over the holidays. The site's owner made some less-than-tasteful comments as part of publicity surrounding the process.

I rolled my eyes when I saw the story, then I sort of shrugged it off. First, people have the right to date whoever they want, and if a site wants to cater to a specific niche then more power to them. Plus, the whole thing reeked of publicity stunt to me, especially since this is the first time I'd heard of the site.

But that's not what I'm writing about.

Lynne Murray wrote this essay about it in the Body Impolitic blog. I was looking forward to hearing what she had to say about it, but I found myself getting angrier and angrier as I read her writing.

Ms. Murray is very critical of the site's members. In her essay, she calls them "vicious, judgmental, arrogant, and self-centered". She says that they're "the kind of person guaranteed to make you miserable", and calls them "beautiful bozos." She says that the members of the site are "there to criticize you, maybe to compete with you, or maybe just out of sheer bitchery, they get you kicked out."

What really got my knickers in a knot was the way Ms. Murray sneered at the members of the site, and judged them based solely on their dating preferences. Are they bozos? I'm sure some of them are and some of them aren't-- that's true of any group. However, I can't conclude from someone's physical preferences in dating that they're a bozo, vicious, judgmental, or guaranteed to make their partner unhappy. Ms. Murray seems to have no problem jumping to those conclusions, though, based on little more than their looks, their physical preferences, and their membership in an online dating site.

To quote Ms. Murray again, "Am I the only person who sees the same hatred, just expressed in a slightly different way?"


It's clear that different people have different dating preferences. There are people who only date people of one particular race, people who like muscular bodies, people who like round bodies, people who only date others with high IQs, people who only date others with certain sexual preferences, people who only date those with money, and yes... people who only date those who are conventionally attractive. De gustibus non disputatum est, and more power to them.

Much to my amusement, Ms. Murray talks of searching conventional dating sites looking for BBW admirers. It's not at all clear to me why it's OK for someone to have a preference for plus-sized women, but not for thinner ones. Or perhaps those BBW admirers are bozos as well, since they were interested in the superficial physical characteristic of her body size?
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sabyl
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-01-16 10:02 am (UTC)
Much to my amusement, Ms. Murray talks of searching conventional dating sites looking for BBW admirers. It's not at all clear to me why it's OK for someone to have a preference for plus-sized women, but not for thinner ones. Or perhaps those BBW admirers are bozos as well, since they were interested in the superficial physical characteristic of her body size?

I did note this inconsistency. I actually wanted to avoid those only dating fat chicks when I was dating for some of the reasons she mentions as problematic for dating those who won't date fat chics. I didn't want to be worried about being dumped because I lost weight or because I gained weight.

But I do have some judgment against the people at BeautifulPeople.com Just as they have the right to not want to date me, I have the right to find them shallow and arrogant. I don't think it's just their preference that is at issue but the way they demonstrate that preference.

As for those kicked off the site, well - you joined the site and you knew what to expect. I just hope some reevaluate their thinking in the process.
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whipartist
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Time:2010-01-16 10:18 am (UTC)
I avoid BBW admirers too. I'm not particularly inclined towards being fetishized for my physical characteristics.

As far as I can tell, the primary way that those people demonstrated their preference was by joining the site. I'm guessing that only a very small percentage of the members took part in voting people off the island. And I'll grant you that the population probably does skew at least a little bit toward shallow and arrogant. I doubt they're above average on vicious and judgmental, though.

I'll ask you the same question I asked Lynne. How would you react to a BBW dating site that voted women off if they were too thin?
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)


sabyl
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-01-16 10:36 am (UTC)
You know I was on a BBW dating site for awhile and I didn't like it for the same reasons I mentioned above. You got a lot of fetishists. I would not ever join a BBW dating site again, even if I were single and gained back the weight I lost.

I actually don't have issue with the beautiful people site voting members off. They are a private group and are open about how they work. You sign up for it you are at risk of being kicked out for not being beautiful enough. Same with a BBW site. If you get too thin for whatever standard they set for BBW seems fair you are no longer on the site.


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freelikebeer
Subject:This made me giggle ...
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-01-16 01:55 pm (UTC)
I'm not particularly inclined towards being fetishized for my physical characteristics.

... because of what went unsaid.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)


essaying
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-01-16 04:58 pm (UTC)
This is just one of many incidents toward which I shrug: It is impossible, in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, to be sane on the subject of body size.
(Reply) (Thread)

(Deleted comment)

whipartist
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-01-17 06:19 pm (UTC)
Awwwww.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

[icon] Hypocrisy comes in all shapes and sizes - Patti
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