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Subject:Nobody does it better
Time:04:34 pm

A friend of mine just made a flip comment to me, paraphrased-- "I may not be the best at giving oral sex, but nobody receives it better than I do."

I thought that was actually an interesting question. What makes someone good at receiving oral sex? I'm curious about what y'all think... I'll share my opinions later.
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rhiannonstone
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-24 12:47 am (UTC)
Responsiveness. Willingness to give feedback. Willingness to make adjustments if necessary to make the experience more enjoyable or comfortable for the giver. Making it clear that they enjoy/appreciate it (and being honest if they don't).

Edited at 2010-02-24 12:50 am (UTC)
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rmd
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-24 01:06 am (UTC)
yeah, that's pretty much my list, too.
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melebeth
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-24 01:19 am (UTC)
Mine three, although I will also add a newly developed appreciation for people who are active in their reception.
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whitebird
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Time:2010-02-24 03:50 am (UTC)
You've pretty much nailed it, regardless of recipient sexual orientation.
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(Deleted comment)

slfisher
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-24 03:08 am (UTC)
I will add, at least for me, holding relatively still. I don't like a lot of thrusting, particularly because it makes it more difficult for me to make sure my teeth stay out of the way.
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yayhappens
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Time:2010-02-24 05:01 am (UTC)
Being open and uninhibited to really enjoying it.

And really understanding the receiving part by receiving and not feeling obligated to have to physically reciprocate in the process.
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whipartist
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-24 09:21 am (UTC)
Similarly, being comfortable with my enjoyment of it.
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yayhappens
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Time:2010-02-24 09:28 am (UTC)
exactly.
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pokarpokarpokar
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-24 05:03 pm (UTC)
clear, effective, and concise direction and confirmation in all forms
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allknight
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-24 05:18 pm (UTC)
Great question, communications and giving directions would definitely be important. IMHO when giving its nice to know just what is working and pleasuring the other person the best! If the person is giving no direction it can get be tougher to guage if you were able to maximize the potential pleasure...
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njchick
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 12:34 am (UTC)
What makes a someone good at receiving oral sex?

Well I've always gotten kudos for the way can express my likes/ pleasure verbally and voacally. Communicating with your partner is key. I like telling them what gets me off and they appreciate it.


I also have gotten priase for using my hands and fingers to grab my partners head and run my fingers through their hair and help "guide" them to places that really get me going...(well if they have hair that is...I've been with one guy who shaved all his hair).

Receiving oral sex standing up, on hard surfaces (table tops, counter tops, up against a wall, shower, floor, anywhere BUT a bed makes it better.




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gayathri
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Time:2010-02-25 06:24 am (UTC)
Enthusiastic reactions are good! :)
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whipartist
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 08:12 am (UTC)
My answers:

- Being comfortable and uninhibited about enjoying it.
- Expressing that enjoyment. I like reactions. A lot.
- Communicating likes, dislikes, and requests clearly. Especially requests.
- Being comfortable with my enjoyment of it. (If it's really working well I'm probably going to enjoy giving even more than my partner will enjoy receiving it. That weirds some people out.)
- Being interactive.

That last one is a little bit hard for me to explain, and it sort of has two parts. Part of it is doing little things to pay attention to me-- stroke my hair or my face, hold onto me, whatever. The second part is sort of all over the map, but I'd sort of broadly define it as interacting with the act-- touch yourself, describe what's going on, tell a dirty story, whatever. Play around. Be part of it.

Things that don't work so well:

- Silence.
- Stillness.
- Trying to reciprocate. (I can't see the number 69 without mentally inserting "the dreaded" in front of it. Never saw the appeal... I'd rather focus on what I'm doing. Plus, I strongly prefer giving to receiving.)
- Talking dirty in a way that feels derogatory to me. ("You like that, don't you, you dirty girl?")
- Trying to hold my head still or control it. (Guidance is good. Force is bad.)

I'm sure some of these fall under the category of YMMV, especially among some of my friends.

I'm actually surprised there was no disagreement between anyone. I expected more "You like that? Wow, that really bugs me" discussion.

Edited at 2010-02-25 08:26 am (UTC)
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rightkindofme
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 12:29 pm (UTC)
Well, even in the YMMV stuff I don't think there's a point in arguing. I *love* having my head held down and being forced. Why in the world would I argue with you because you don't? That seems... kind of ludicrous. Kind of like telling you that your bdsm involves D/s whether you like it or not. :p
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melebeth
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 01:31 pm (UTC)
*nod* *nod* The things I disagree on (i.e. what you just said ;) ) are SUCH personal/relationship preferences that it doesn't seem weird that people think otherwise, but I totally get the "sometimes more into it than my partner" and "far prefer giving to receiving"
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whipartist
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 03:37 pm (UTC)
I said disagreement, not arguing... like you just did. Different people have different tastes. Some people like mouth-fucking style fellatio, and others hate it. Some people like squirmy, wiggly partners and others prefer them stiller.

I was just a bit surprised to see that the answers aligned pretty much perfectly.
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rightkindofme
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 03:48 pm (UTC)
Well, the first comment "Responsiveness. Willingness to give feedback. Willingness to make adjustments if necessary to make the experience more enjoyable or comfortable for the giver. Making it clear that they enjoy/appreciate it (and being honest if they don't)." really nails it.

If the person is responsive, willing to give feedback, and willing to make adjustments (and they are otherwise a good personality match) they will make the kinds of adjustments that make something my personal flavor. :D
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rhiannonstone
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 05:44 pm (UTC)
I pretty carefully constructed my answers to be generic and not tailored to specific technique, mostly because there are specific things I like with some partners (the face-fucking, the dirty talking) that I don't like with others, and so what's most important to me is that my partner and I make it work for each other in that particular instance.
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gayathri
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-26 11:35 pm (UTC)
I can't BELIEVE you like it! what kinda feminist are you?! :)

Here's one for you - I find oral sex to be +more+ intimate than intercourse, or other sorts of sex.
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luckylefty
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 02:29 pm (UTC)
That's a really nice list.

I'm flabbergasted to see "Being comfortable with my enjoyment of it" on your list. Not because I disagree, but because it so much goes without saying for me. I can't imagine someone not being comfortable with my enjoyment. For any kind of sex, the enjoying your enjoyment of my enjoyment of your enjoyment of...positive feedback loop is a huge part of the turn-on.

And the "trying to reciprocate" negative should get trumped by your being good at the "Communicating likes, dislikes, and requests" part. Usually I'm with you, but sometimes I really enjoy it. So a partner who communicates and is receptive to my communication is better than one who follows "don't try to reciprocate" as a blanket rule.

Other than the "not trying to reciprocate" and "not holding my head", which are both your-particular-preference specific, everything on your list is pretty much my list, not specifically for receiving oral sex, but for what I like in a sexual partner regardless of the specific act.



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sfogarty
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 02:48 pm (UTC)
I'm surprised not to see 'enjoys it' on the list.
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whipartist
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 03:40 pm (UTC)
I thought it was implicit in "being comfortable and uninhibited about enjoying it"
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sfogarty
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 05:39 pm (UTC)
I'm comfortable and uninhibited, it just doesn't do anything for me :)
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whipartist
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 03:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it shouldn't have to be said but it does. I've freaked out a new partner before by enjoying it a bit more than they expected me to. People have some weird notions about sex.
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jcdill
Subject:'tis better to give than to receive
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 08:22 pm (UTC)

I much prefer to give than to receive. I also get a lot of enjoyment out of giving when the partner is good at receiving - all the things on both of your lists apply to me.

- Being comfortable with my enjoyment of it. (If it's really working well I'm probably going to enjoy giving even more than my partner will enjoy receiving it. That weirds some people out.)

I had a partner who really enjoyed giving it more than I enjoyed receiving it. The problem here was that he would end up devoting too much time to what he enjoyed (giving oral sex), long past the point where I was getting *any* enjoyment out of it.

Attempting to communicate that my enjoyment was waning was very difficult. He would take this as a personal affront to his skills/efforts and instead of moving on to something else that I enjoyed more he would redouble his efforts to "pleasure me", which never worked. If I was more assertive that I wanted to stop the activity and move on to something else, he took this as a personal rejection.

Eventually this tendency became a major communications problem in our relationship (not just in bed).
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whipartist
Subject:Re: 'tis better to give than to receive
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 09:20 pm (UTC)
Yep, I totally get that one. I've had partners, strangely all male, who insisted that they were so good that they were going to "give me an orgasm" via oral sex no matter what I said. As it turns out, the only thing you're going to "give" me that way is a splitting headache.
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elfs
Link:(Link)
Time:2010-02-25 05:49 pm (UTC)
Noise. Enthusiasm. Letting the other person actually do what they enjoy. But also speaking up if it's not working.

But mostly, sound effects.
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[icon] Nobody does it better - Patti
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