My company has a halloween costume contest every year. As you probably know, halloween is one of the highest holy holidays of my year, and I take it seriously. I've been known to invest a few weeks in putting together just the right costume.

My first year at VE I came as a drag queen. It was a good enough costume that some people didn't recognize me. I took second place in the contest, being edged out by our CFO. He looks a lot like a money guy, clean cut and straitlaced. He came as himself circa 1983, complete with long shaggy hair, gold chains, and a cigarette dangling from his mouth.

The next year I decided that if I couldn't beat them I'd join them. I came as our CFO circa 2023. I copied his costume as carefully as I could, but made it look kind of shabby, so that I could do the old, fat Elvis version of him. I got third, and I can't even remember who took first and second.

Last year I came as Dr. Frank N Furter. It was one hell of a costume, and quite a few of you have seen it. I got second after a tiebreaker vote, losing to about ten people who all dressed up as our director of HR.

This year I spent a fair bit less time on my costume. In fact, I didn't sew a damned thing unlike last year's sewapalooza. I had a fair number of props, though, and had to construct just the right wardrobe. (I'll show it to you later, I promise.) Finally. Finally! I got first place. Now I can retire.

The prize for first place? A Starbucks gift card. Man, talk about a bad beat.