Summary: On January 13, the Adobe website double-billed me for an order. After half an hour on the phone with them, the guy sent me a link to a form to fill out and send back to them. Over the course of the next few weeks I faxed it to them twice and uploaded it to their website twice.
Today I got an update from them:
Note: We have received the document that you have sent us unfortunately,This came with a completely separate set of instructions for returning the product, one that involved a web form rather than a paper one. Note that this is THREE WEEKS from the date that I made the original request, and not once during this process did they tell me that support dude #1 gave me the wrong form to fill out.
we are unable to process your request since the letter of software
destruction that you have sent us is for a voulme license software.
It took me four tries to get their web site to accept the form tonight, but it finally did.
If this is not resolved by Monday, I'm attacking it through alternate routes.